Alec Italiano

If Alec Italiano wrote his own Wikipedia Article …

Very Italian and very good looking, Alec has quite a colorful vision for his future. This vision began one day when he ws employed at Hoss’s Steak and Sea House restraunt. Alec began as a pudding boy, tasked with refilling the banana pudding container for all of the elederly folk that seemed to frequent the place on “Free Banana Pudding for Old People Day” at Hoss’s. At any rate, Alec was soon an expert in the realm of refilling pudding containers and operating all of the knobs, levers, pulleys, and rocket propelled engines involved in such a dangerous job known as the ice cream machine. However, success looked bleak for the young pudding boy because the manager found that Alec was just way too smart for the job. “Alec my lad,” he said “You could be far more than a Hoss’s pudding boy. You have talent and to keep you here would rob the world of a great talent. Therefore, I have no choice but to fire you.” Alec had just set the Hoss’s franchise record of only lasting a day on the job. Clearly, the old manager was stoned because there was no freakin’ way Alec could afford to lose this job since the Christmas dance was way too expensive this year, but his girlfriend (or so we think) would be pretty angry if Alec didn’t buy them tickets. Devestated, Alec tried to start a career as a famous singer but when his cover of Loverboy’s “Working for the Weekend” failed (Only two copies were sold. Inside information confirms that they were sold to old ladies with cats.) With only his devilishly good looks left, Alec was forced into unemployment. However, Alec’s big dreams remain and he plans to become CEO of the Hoss’s restraunt chain one day. A school newspaper reporter interviewed Alec (transcript seen below) and the results were startling.

Reporter: So Alec, tell me how you plan to achieve your ambitious dream of becoming Hoss’s CEO. Alec: Well, you know, I figure I can just amaze them with my awesome Physics abilities. I mean, I can use the chain rule. How many CEO’s do you know that can be like BAM!... relative motion problems? None that I know. None that I know. R: I see… so once you rise to the top do you have any plans for the restraunt chain? A: Of course, with the help of my friends, who will probably be begging me for a job anyway, I’ll open more Hoss’s in more places so that everyone can enjoy their ice cream. It’s clearly better than Dairy Queen. R: So you plan on receiving help from your friends? A: Of course. I figure that Stacy, who has excellent people skills (if you know what I mean- BA-ZING [see footnote immediately]) will help me with advertising and I’ve got another friend [Jeremy] who says he’ll probably make it big time in rec basketball and once he’s a household name will gladly manage a stadium style chain of Hoss’s restraunts. Then of course you’ve got Alex, he seems pretty smart so he’ll probalbly just disagree with me and see that my plans are complete crap. But maybe he’ll go work at McDonald’s and then he can help me become the CEO of that restraunt as well. Overall, life will be good. Oh, and taking notes will be banned from board meetings. I hate taking notes. Just ask Mr. McNulty, my physics teacher.

Alec also plans to release his own autobiography entitled Working for the Weekend: The Alec Italiano Story. Look for it in stores around 2030. There have also been rumors floating around that Jeremy claims to have seen the future and it involves Alec and Stacy having two large-eared children named Gisseppi and Marlene.


 * Footnote: Stacy has refuted these claims over and over and says that this is just a shallow attempt by Alec to make fun of her. She has already made many trips to the Guidance Office over Alec’s clearly misguided views and claims herself that Alec’s brain must be made of a pudding not unlike that which he used to serve at Hoss’s